fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
