I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
