well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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