Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
