She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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