They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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