i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The air was thick with penises
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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