I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize