you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
