Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
