giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
