So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
