Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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