got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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