I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
