You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
