You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
