Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize