let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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