at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
