Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
