Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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