I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
