Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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