hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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