If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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