She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
