Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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