either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
