Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize