Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
