Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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