i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
