I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she peed on how many people?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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