the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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