Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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