So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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