I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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