Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
