Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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