Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
