Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
