the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
