yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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