Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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