i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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