At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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