I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
