I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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