Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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