he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
