I puked a lego.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize