Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
