After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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