I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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