If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
