I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
