So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
