Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
