did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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