Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
