Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
