I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
