I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
