trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
