i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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