also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
