Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
