i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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