your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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