He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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