Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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