im drinking this country out of the recession.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
