Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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