Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
