Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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