I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
