Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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