it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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