hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
