This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
