Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
