Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
