I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
