Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
