I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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