in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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